Feeling better...

Apparently taking out the Prozac has improved the Ambilify. I feel clearer in the head. Although I need to do something about my lecture presentation during class. I'm stuttering and pausing which is so unlike me. Maybe I'm out of practice. But I even notice in social situations that I have a hard time with words to continue the conversation. I've even done the pause thing, awkward. I've been out of touch for so long that I need to practice once again how to be sociable. I've been so use to being quiet and unable to talk much that I've made myself awkward around people. I need to bring that up to Steve the next time I see him.

I haven't written down my gratitudes lately. I do need to say I'm thankful for a good therapist. He really know how to show concern for you. I'm thankful for medication even if it does have side effects. I don't want to be in the black again. So far the Fetzima seems to be doing just fine. I haven't had any noticeable side effects and I'm not feeling blah. That's a good thing. I'm thankful for not feeling blah for once.

Gratitude...

I have a quiet moment while the girls are home. Celeste is bowling with her friends, Savannah is on the Tablet, and Sierra is playing with Maggie. Since they are occupied, I have a moment to do my gratitude journal.
1. I'm thankful for healthy children.
2. I'm thankful for my marriage.
3. I'm thankful for the power of sealing.
4. I'm thankful for M&Ms.
5. I'm thankful for a sweet husband who got me the M&Ms.

That's all I can focus on right now. I'm feeling less blah today but still feel uninspired to do my artwork. Maybe if I did a splatter painting to spark my artistic side. Hopefully the paint is still good. I could do a black painting with varying gray splatters and a bit of white. I could mix in some red to warm up the gray. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow when the kids get on the computers. I wish I could do something with my splatter paintings. I really like doing them. I just wish I could be paid for them. I'm still hanging on the attention I got with my painting Dysfunction. Surely I can find a niche for my paintings, but with everyone else who can splatter, I don't know if I can. I wish I had an array of paints of different colors. Do a painting in a variety of reds, tones of blues, tints of white. Someday. That could be my niche. Monochromatic paintings. My instructors always told me to simplify my work. Okay now I'm feeling inspired. Now I just need to afford it.

Changes again...

Here we go again - changing of the antidepressant. The Prozac is just not effective enough to keep the blahs away. And besides it is known not to mix well with Ambilify. Maybe with the Prozac gone, the Ambilify will operate better. I know everyone get the blahs, but no matter what I do, the blahs just hover. I don't feel like doing anything and that is just not me. I'm usually a busy person, or can find ways to be busy. So when I feel useless, something is not right. And this has been going on for way too long. I wonder if the Inderal has anything to do with the blahs or possibly hormones are causing the problem. Either way, the Prozac is not cutting it.The new stuff is called Fetzima. Suppose to take it in the morning with food. That worries me. That might mean can cause nausea and I'm not going through that again. Evil Vibyrd. If I become just a bit nauseated by it, it's out, no second thoughts about it. My appetite is already suppressed from something - depression, Inderal - i don't need nausea on top of poor eating.

I'm suppose to make a gratitude journal according to Steve. It's one of those behavorial cognitive things to help with depression, to get you thinking positive. So here I go:
1. I'm thankful for healthy children even though they stress me at times.
2. I'm thankful for an understanding husband who really wants me to be more affectionate.
3. I'm thankful for a warm home even when it feels too big.
4. I'm thankful for a job to help me feel productive.
5. I'm thankful for my artistic talent even though I feel uninspired right now.
6. I'm thankful for my religion and the faith it gives me.
7. I'm thankful for love from my family.
8. I'm thankful for a healthy body regardless of my brain.
9. I'm thankful for a knowledgeable mind.
10. I'm thankful for a good therapist.

Okay, I have found 10 thanks. Now I just need to remind myself everyday and to find more.