I'm not going to survive another 5 days. This past week has gone by fairly fast. Christmas is done. That stress is over. Although I do have to admit I was anxious for Christmas Eve and for their faces on Christmas morning. I'm not sure about Celeste's reaction, maybe it's a 12 thing. But Sierra was overjoyed over her doll house and million of dolls to go with it. Savannah seemed thrilled over her Monster High dolls and super hero action figures. It's fun watching them be happy with Santa's gifts.
Now it's time to start putting away the Christmas decor. The tree fell down so it made that decision easy of when to put it away. I want to go through all the boxes and separate the keepers and the give aways. There are just decor stuff that we just don't use now and plus my taste has changed. The problem now is that I'm not motivated again. I feel I need to be available to referee the girls during their chores and whatever else they may do that may irritate each other.
So I'm left wandering the house cleaning up small things here and there. Bit boring. I am able to write for a few minutes but I have one kid hanging right beside me, so I will continue this later...
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Anxiety...
I shouldn't have so much anxiety about my girls coming home. It's Friday, they will be home at 1:00, I've already taken a Xanax. What does that say about me? I do love my children, I want to see them happy, and to feel safe. But they stress me when they are home all together. Savannah and Sierra antagonize each other. Celeste is very impatient over any little annoyance. I'm trying to keep them off the computers as much as possible but I know today I will probably give in by 1:30 because I feel crappy. It's not brain crappy that I have been fighting but head cold crappy. My bronchial tubes just ache. And I wonder if I'm having some reaction between the Abilify and Musinex. Or I'm just tired of feeling sick, both kinds.
I did have a annual physical last week and finally got the results yesterday. My stats came back normal. So no menopause. My moods are defintely from brain wires. Although, Michele said my progesterone and thyroid were on the low end. She said it could possibly be a fluke but to come back in a couple months and have blood work done again. I also plan to come back in 6 months and have another mammogram done. Ick. I have to admit my age for sure now because I had my first mammogram done after my physical. Michele said there is a dense spot on the right side, small, but noticeable. So in 6 months I'll find out if it is growing or just a fibrous spot. I can see why ladies put off getting mammograms. Having someone push and pull your breast in unnatural positions is painful and embarrassing. But it needs to be done as I found out. Now I have to put aside the idea of a tumor and try to feel normal until the next test. My white blood cell count was normal so there's hope it is nothing at all. It's hard to feel attractive when you have a possible lump.
At least I know more of what is going on with my body and what symptoms are from what. My glucose level is normal so the hypoglycemia is a side effect of the Abilify. The shakes are from the akasethia, and the depression is most certainly being bipolar. I still wish sometimes for a high to get me out of this crappiness. I feel so healthy when I'm high. I feel so healthy that I could take on a 5K without training. Unfortunately where there is a high, there is a drop, and I don't want that again.
Kids will be coming home in 30 minutes...
I did have a annual physical last week and finally got the results yesterday. My stats came back normal. So no menopause. My moods are defintely from brain wires. Although, Michele said my progesterone and thyroid were on the low end. She said it could possibly be a fluke but to come back in a couple months and have blood work done again. I also plan to come back in 6 months and have another mammogram done. Ick. I have to admit my age for sure now because I had my first mammogram done after my physical. Michele said there is a dense spot on the right side, small, but noticeable. So in 6 months I'll find out if it is growing or just a fibrous spot. I can see why ladies put off getting mammograms. Having someone push and pull your breast in unnatural positions is painful and embarrassing. But it needs to be done as I found out. Now I have to put aside the idea of a tumor and try to feel normal until the next test. My white blood cell count was normal so there's hope it is nothing at all. It's hard to feel attractive when you have a possible lump.
At least I know more of what is going on with my body and what symptoms are from what. My glucose level is normal so the hypoglycemia is a side effect of the Abilify. The shakes are from the akasethia, and the depression is most certainly being bipolar. I still wish sometimes for a high to get me out of this crappiness. I feel so healthy when I'm high. I feel so healthy that I could take on a 5K without training. Unfortunately where there is a high, there is a drop, and I don't want that again.
Kids will be coming home in 30 minutes...
Monday, December 2, 2013
Piddling...
I seem to do alot of piddling these days. My motivation to paint is zelched right now. I have a drawing ready for watercolor crayons but I can't seem to concentrate. I'm restless. I'm even too restless to write this blog. But I haven't written in awhile and a kid does not have my laptop.
I could be going through a box of receipts and statements, I could be bringing in wood to the garage, or cleaning out the storage room, or cleaning the washer and dryer, or sifting through old Christmas ornaments, finish watching Castle, or drawing. I really should be working on my drawing. I could be finding the Christmas cards and send those out. I could be vacuuming the stairs. I have an hour left before kids are home from school. I really should be working on my drawing.
I could be going through a box of receipts and statements, I could be bringing in wood to the garage, or cleaning out the storage room, or cleaning the washer and dryer, or sifting through old Christmas ornaments, finish watching Castle, or drawing. I really should be working on my drawing. I could be finding the Christmas cards and send those out. I could be vacuuming the stairs. I have an hour left before kids are home from school. I really should be working on my drawing.
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