Anxiety...

I shouldn't have so much anxiety about my girls coming home. It's Friday, they will be home at 1:00, I've already taken a Xanax. What does that say about me? I do love my children, I want to see them happy, and to feel safe. But they stress me when they are home all together. Savannah and Sierra antagonize each other. Celeste is very impatient over any little annoyance. I'm trying to keep them off the computers as much as possible but I know today I will probably give in by 1:30 because I feel crappy. It's not brain crappy that I have been fighting but head cold crappy. My bronchial tubes just ache. And I wonder if I'm having some reaction between the Abilify and Musinex. Or I'm just tired of feeling sick, both kinds.

I did have a annual physical last week and finally got the results yesterday. My stats came back normal. So no menopause. My moods are defintely from brain wires. Although, Michele said my progesterone and thyroid were on the low end. She said it could possibly be a fluke but to come back in a couple months and have blood work done again. I also plan to come back in 6 months and have another mammogram done. Ick. I have to admit my age for sure now because I had my first mammogram done after my physical. Michele said there is a dense spot on the right side, small, but noticeable. So in 6 months I'll find out if it is growing or just a fibrous spot. I can see why ladies put off getting mammograms. Having someone push and pull your breast in unnatural positions is painful and embarrassing. But it needs to be done as I found out. Now I have to put aside the idea of a tumor and try to feel normal until the next test. My white blood cell count was normal so there's hope it is nothing at all. It's hard to feel attractive when you have a possible lump.

At least I know more of what is going on with my body and what symptoms are from what. My glucose level is normal so the hypoglycemia is a side effect of the Abilify. The shakes are from the akasethia, and the depression is most certainly being bipolar. I still wish sometimes for a high to get me out of this crappiness. I feel so healthy when I'm high. I feel so healthy that I could take on a 5K without training. Unfortunately where there is a high, there is a drop, and I don't want that again.

Kids will be coming home in 30 minutes...