I have been making horse sculptures and I believe they are causing some unnecessary anxiety. I want them to be perfect. I want the clay to work with me. I want the mosaic of glass pieces to turn out right. I want these horse to turn out what I see in my head. But nothing seems to be working and I'm wasting materials because they cannot be reused. Once they are are dry, that's it. The first horse is having issues with its legs. The second one seems shaped funny and I can't seem to form it just right.
I'm trying to make them into masterpieces and they are only turning out to be school practice pieces. I want to sculpt but seeing these horses are causing my heart to panic. Why is that? I'm already fighting an anxiety phase so these horses are not helping.
I need to weld again. I use to find it easier to take scrap pieces of metal and burn the heck out of them into a form. I could be more expressive with the form of the horse rather than pressure myself to capture exact features in the clay.
I want to throw them out and pretend I never wasted the material. I don't know why I can't relax and just see them as play pieces, experiments that don't have to lead into masterpieces. It's probably because I don't have a budget with much squirming room. I feel I have to make the money back with the artwork. But it is not like I'm selling artwork out of the wazoo. And with a new house, I have to be extra frugal.
That's it, I'm going to look for scrap metal. I was always happier working in metal. I need to ease this anxiety.
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