This low is not lifting...again. It's more of a dysthemic low - not too low but not leveled, just blah. I have to remind myself that in the evenings I will feel more blah than during the day. The Saphris begins to wear off around dinner time. But today it was Depeche Mode mood. I only wanted to listen to dark and twisted music. I know I shouldn't hear music that only intensifies my mood but any other will just annoy me - I tried it. I love Depeche Mode. They have a dark, dramatic sound that grabs at my soul and pulls on it. They fill my head with fantasies, dramatic stories, that are dark and yet have a slight light of hope. That's what I want - a light of hope that will take me out of this slump. And yet, at times I would miss the darkness because I feel I can only be the most creative when I am dark. It is a constant internal battle. I need to go to bed.
Oh, the blue tack is the color for low, sad, depressed. I post it on my peg board for Jared to have a heads up on my mood since we only seem to see each other in passing on many days. Okay, now I'm going to bed. I'm going to take only half the pill tonight to see if there is a difference in the dragging mood. Maybe less dragging will mean less low. I'm not hopeful at this point but why not. At least this time I have told Jared that I was dissatisfied with my meds instead of silently dealing with it.
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