Improving, still improving. That's good. I don't feel so empty right now. That's good. I don't feel tearful and sad right now. That's good. The darkness seem to have passed for right now. I keep saying "right now" because I'm worried the depression will come back. It always come back. And I always try another medicine. I read on the bphope website that with each relapse, there's tweaking the meds. I'm tired of tweaking medicines. There's always a side effect, there's always the adjustment time that takes for days and days. I hate feeling depressed for days. One day is too long. This episode lasted for a month before improving. And I spent most of that time nausea. When low I have no appetite in the first place. So recuperating has been rough because I wasn't nourished physically.
I'm finally eating now. I fill up quickly but I'm snacking. I'm enjoying Halloween chocolates and double stuff Oreos. My taste buds are still funked up and eating peanut butter sandwiches are hard to swallow but at least I'm eating. I'm even getting my tummy pooch back which does not bother me a bit. It's easier to live with than feeling nausea.
I'm hoping this cocktail of Prozac and Ambilify will be the magic potion. There suppose to play off each other. I think I'm becoming more tolerant to side effects after this episode. So I have the low blood sugar shakes in the mornings. At least it's not nausea. So I get dizzy when I stand up. At least it's not sadness. So I might get akathsia if the Ambilify is increased. At least Xanax works on that. When you feel so empty and hopeless, you're willing to work with anything that boost your feelings.
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