On my own...

Well, today is the test. Jared is at work, working in Monticello, 20 miles away, SWAT training at 5pm, not going to be home until probably around 7pm. Me on the other hand has to rely on my strength to take care of the girls. And they have a Halloween party tonight. Which means I have to be sociable. Which means I'm going to feel exhausted by bedtime. And when I feel exhausted I feel down. One thing after the other.

But so far I'm cooking dinner, helping Celeste with her homework, and watching the other two play on the computers. I beat myself up for allowing so much computer time but with me recuperating, it keeps them busy. I tell myself they are only on the computers for an hour and half. That's not too much is it?

Then after dinner which is about 5:30, Celeste will go to the church at 6pm to set up for the party. Then at 6:15, I will help Savannah and Sierra dress up in their costumes to go to the party at 6:30. Spend about an hour there, come home, brush hair, and put Sierra into bed, then Savannah, then Celeste at 9pm. Then I can relax, feel exhausted, and ready myself for another night of little sleep, With Jared coming in at 1am and Sierra possibly coming in at 3 or 5 or 6:30 or all three times. You can tell I'm still counting down the time. Any down time means possible fighting among the girls. I still don't want to handle that.

It's going to be hard in the morning because I will be on my own again. Jared will need to sleep which means he won't be there to watch the girls at breakfast time and take them to school. I haven't taken them to school for over two weeks. Hopefully I will be fine.